Christian Recovery

11 How do you get past negative thoughts in your head?  Discuss what negativity breeds in life.      By Graham Hevey

Throughout much of the day negativity, stress and worry gathered around me like members of the same gang, all wearing similar jackets with the word fear written on the back. I struggled with such demons, because they were initiating me as a member.  They niggled and eventually buried me amongst the shadows like walking down a dark alley moving further and further away from the light.

I can deal with this was drummed into me when all I needed to do was admit that I couldn’t, as a start anyway.

Before ending my search with Jesus, I began my day with all kinds of negative thoughts, which bred failure as my lot.

Nowadays it seems rather strange, thinking back, that I took on my negative attitude like a sparring partner squaring up to a full-length mirror readying for today’s fight. With only myself in the room, taking my stance with a deep breath before looking at my reflection, and off I’d go readying to tackle the day. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do, battle our demon’s day by day?

‘Ok, I can do this’, and with clenched white knuckles I’d carry on and on telling myself of all the things I could do rather than listening to my head telling me of all the things I couldn’t.

A new day with everyday battles raging in my head,..again.

It was going to be fine,..eventually.

I had a counsellor guiding me toward positive ways of thinking, so I thought!

Ground hog mornings, here we go again!

Sometimes while wrestling with my-self, my lips would move slightly to the rhythm of my thoughts! Overthinking of some sort I suppose. A few times a close friend approached me to explain, ‘hey, you are talking to yourself’.

“Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me!  (Romans 7: 20-23)

To get rid of the negativity I decided to seek out professional psychological help. Paying for professional counselling certainly worked for a while, until I read an article about how paying money makes us insistent that our counselling sessions are working, even when they’re not we convince ourselves otherwise. Buyer’s remorse is simply denied by those who are already filled with thoughts that everything is wrong anyway. Surely, we must get something right!!  It’s far easier to boast that your counsellor is simply brilliant and how s/he says stuff that is just dandy. 

We can boast further how we found such a clever professional person through a particular set of clever friends that we met in a place where cleverness is expected, and much of the time pretended. It seemed all I spoke back then was utter nonsense, like for example, telling friends in the pub how I met intellectual friends in the library; and I wondered why my boozy friends of yesteryear threw back their heads in laughter.

The primary idea offered by professional counsellors is to teach how we can live with negative thoughts by swashbuckling them into some kind of positive shape.

To be honest, none of my counselling sessions worked in the slightest.

The Scriptures on the other hand describe how a change of heart equals a conversion within the core centre of a person. Without the ability to recognize real spiritual freedom, how are we to know what to expect?

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5: 17)

It’s rather like emptying out all those negative mental pockets that we have tucked away in the labyrinth of our minds. We then cash them in for a new set of thoughts withdrawn from God’s bank, which is stored up with an abundance of love, faith, hope and all the fruits of the Spirit.  

But the fruit of the Spirit is love,  joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galations 5: 22-23)

To walk in a bank hoping for a solution on how to pay our creditors, only to walk out free of all debts.  That’s the Jesus bank. That’s what He does, frees us from debt (sin)

We cannot therefore accept negative depression at all as our own special case illness, as I did. We must give up this sickness to God via our fellow Christians and feel it dissolve into the atmosphere. We must talk depression to death where we can awake hand in hand with the resurrection of Jesus Christ. God can handle such a negative energy far better than we can. You can start by taking your mind back to when you were last free from any defective or negative thoughts.

          He called a little child to him and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matthew 18:1–5)

It was through scripture, which initially was read aloud by other Christians, where hope and love was delivered until I could feed myself the word of truth.

So clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk. You’ve had a taste of God. Now, like infants at the breast, drink deep of God’s pure kindness. Then you’ll grow up mature and whole in God.
(1 Peter 2: 1-3)

Keeping with the faith and to clean house so to speak, we must discuss with one another about any negative doubts that we may have. Always remember that the demonic self will return with 7 friends more wicked that the last.

When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’  When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order.  Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.” (Luke 11: 24-26)

 We must remain amongst Christians, read Scripture, and be part of a church where the love of God is realized through Jesus, Amen.

When reading the Bible further, I often come across scripture that reminds me of my past, like when paying the counsellor, what was I really looking for? The truth will set you free was still far from my grasp.

Peter answered: “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money!  You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God.  Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord in the hope that he may forgive you for having such a thought in your heart.  For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin (Acts 8: 20-23)

When approached by a Christian colleague who saw, before my journey to faith, that I was captive to my bitter self, he explained selflessly that perhaps I could take on board some help from his church friends who would guide me to faith, or at least away from my thinking. My answer however was to boast on social media how I unfriended that colleague who failed to accept me on face value, for who I am, or was. It is rather uncanny how the very person who vexed my Spirit is the friend I got rid of. Say ‘nice things’ or jog on was my stance.

Looking back, all I wanted was to change my way of thinking for another way that I may think, if that makes sense. Rather like taking a different path one day, only to find that that walk too has its problems.

Fine, I’ll just take many different paths where I could skate around the surface of society looking down each avenue while toying with varying groups and counsellors alike. Always moving on, particularly after noticing that Christians appear to empathize more meaning when they ask ‘how are you’? They look at you in freeze frame and wait for an answer further than the word ‘fine’. Christians, I found shortly before I became one, made for awkward moments without feeling the awkwardness themselves. The Christian, on most accounts, failed to acknowledge the clumsiness in me and carried on with their thoughtful and meaningful approach. They seemed to stand firm and stare right at me with clear, pleasant and sparkling eyes. ‘How are you’? which would make me fold and, after a few minutes of stillness, spill out my ‘stuff’ that was in my garbage truck head

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love (1 Corinthians 16: 13-14)

Every Sunday I would be invited to the smaller house groups that the church held during the week where the scriptures would be discussed. After agreeing, I would fail to turn up. One day however, I arrived to one particular house group and I’ve never looked back. The group prayed for me with hands on and something hit me hard, like a gravity making me sit down, where I simply could not get up out of my seat for around two hours. When I did finally stand, I never really felt quite right to drive home. Being drunk with the Holy Spirit changed my life Amen. Thanks be to God that was over twenty years ago.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2)

The truth is, I never planned or expected that to happen, which intrigues me still to this day. Having never experienced such things how could I pretend something so alien to me. This was not a case of ‘fake it to make it’. This was a real happening that had no planning from my part at all. To act out such a moment is doable but acting was not the case. It is not in my nature to act out such an impression, it just happened.

Before meeting with Christ the self-invented me took on counselling, reading inspirational books, lighting spiritual candles and even attempted meditation and some kind of prayer, which allowed me to have a spiritual opinion that rebutted my search for the truth. Joining a 12 step ‘spiritual but not religious’ camp gave me intellectual instructions on how to rid myself of this nagging pessimism that was staining my mind. Ofcourse nothing happened, how could it? Who on earth was I praying to, I have no idea? These kind but lost souls were professional people who, like me, lacked the ability to deal with such negative vibes that were being deposited by us all. We only feigned love and positivity.  Arguments evolved where cracks appeared in our so-called spiritual armour, and we had nothing to fill it with. There were many Goliaths and no David. No one to throw stones to break down our egoic attitudes.

Our bookshelves lacked sufficient literary and scriptural support too. For such a small group of desperados we needed much more than the so called spiritual and self-help books that we borrowed from each other.

After years of searching and finding very little, my negativity began to weigh me down like I had to contend with more gravity than the rest of us. It hunched me over, made me look at the ground much of the time. To be sure, I used to find coins  because my head was always looking down at the pavement.

While amongst the intellectuals and spiritualists I imagined myself in the fields of tranquillity under the DVD sound of running water. On one occasion my so-called spiritual friends hired a church hall to spread the word of their delightful findings in hope to invite people to dance with the real spirit, whatever that was. We grew to around 15 of us who banged the drum, literally, and lit candles and hummed to songs about earth, water and fire. It all got too much for me and another person who was there. We both ran out from the camp-fire while laughing hysterically, like lost hyenas. I became physically and mentally sick and fortunately never returned. During this episode God was looking after me and I never even knew. 

Throughout this search the professional counsellors also tried their utmost to show interest and constantly surprised me with their very clever sentences that really meant nothing after only a few days, even after a few moments some were forgotten already.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”(1 Corinthians 13: 1)

The following day I could hardly remember what they had said at all. The narrative therefore was flimsy, which allowed me to keep my distance and play around with what-ever concepts we focused upon on any given day. Rules, drink diaries, busy days with outings, library visits and a lists of things to do would help me add structure to my life, so they honestly believed. In our groups we were told to lose our negative thoughts by, say, concentrating on a flower for example. Really, trying to find room for a flower in my junk yard head that was crammed full to breaking point with my own dysfunctional thoughts. How can I then think of a flower with all else disturbing my mind?

Without having Jesus shift my consciousness there was scant chance of any light entering into the equation to keep the flower alive.

The truth be known, most of the spiritualists and counsellors concentrated on the negative thoughts themselves being the adverse energy source within the person. Negativity therefore equals energy. In truth however, the destructive energy comes from a much deeper source that cannot be controlled or indeed contained, by our own good ideas. The negativity is not the energy itself, only the results of the energy within. Countering negative thought cannot be achieved by attempting to replace them with flowering positive thoughts no matter how much you try. I am not fooled anymore!  Like my shadow boxing we spent so much time fighting our own ego, which paradoxically is the energy that would have killed us.  To be-rid ourselves of negative thoughts our egos must be obliterated, which is the part we cannot do in totality without God. To release ourselves from all our past failures and future impossibilities we must look to God and seek out His help.

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic”. (James 3: 14-15) 

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you”. (1 Peter 5: 10)

God’s word is filled with truth and life. When in and amongst the Bible we can find who we actually are and what we can amount to with His power. Therefore, we must constantly meditate on His word and use it to fight any negativity that resides in us. The power of God is far more resilient than anything our heads can gather up. When using the Word of God as a weapon to fight back we will win our minds back. Rely on Him who has all knowledge and power and He will get your thinking to a far better place.

Where is the tangible evidence for this, why am I talking up such belief?

The evidence is inside a church near to where you live.  Go there once and you may leave with a resentment, or not. But go again and again and eventually you will meet a small group of Christians who will guide you toward God’s thinking. You will see the world and universe and that important part that you play within it as viable and real.  You will see much further than your own thinking can allow. All that ‘stuff’ you had before will leave you alone. You may get demonic attacks over the following few weeks, but stay close and speak to Christians, have scripture read to you and read yourself, receive prayer without fail and attend until you yourself can begin a small cell group to do the same for others. I pray that you do not full into the category of that special case illness where you too, as I did, think you can learn to live with it and without God.

God bless           Graham Hevey